Many of you know my friend Kari Kampakis and have read her blog posts about raising daughters. Now, you can dive deeper with Kari into raising preteen/teens with her new book out today called 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know.

This book is designed to help you and your daughters navigate the years when it’s easier to focus on what the world says than what God says. (And really, isn’t that ALL the years, including the adult ones?) I can’t recommend it enough as a resource for parents to use with your daughters. Put together a book club with your neighborhood girls, soccer team, or Sunday school class and work your way through these truths!

I am looking forward to studying it with my daughter’s soccer team, as they are at just the right age to be reminded, reminded, and reminded again truths like “Kindness is more important than popularity,” and “Chasing boys doesn’t make you cool. It makes you a nuisance.” But the truth I am most looking forward to studying with them is “You were born to fly.”

Yes, darling girls, you most definitely were.

Parents, let’s face it: social media is here to stay. Our children live in an age that we never foresaw when we were their age, and that age comes with an incredible opportunity for both positive and negative outcomes. Kids have the opportunity to “speak” to masses of people everyday. They have the responsibility to use that type of power to encourage, build up, be funny, and inspire, or they can use it to make fun, be sarcastic, criticize, or be downright mean. Social media is a huge responsibility. And without us educating them on how to use it properly, they will have a difficult time avoiding pitfalls.

Though my daughters don’t use social media yet, my oldest is on the cusp. Many of her friends are already active on Instagram and other sites. Because of my work, I am quite active on social media, so I see what goes on. Parents, if I can give you one word of advice for protecting your children on social media it is this: Do not allow your child to be friends/followers with anyone online that you are not friends/followers with first. While this won’t protect your children from every potential risk, it will go a long way. You need to see what your children are seeing on social media. Fortunately, I have seen very few posts that I felt uneasy about, and I know that this is because so many of my friends closely monitor what their children and their children’s friends post online. The other parents and I have an open door policy that whenever we see something sketchy online, we bring it to attention. Just as our children need our guidance when they are learning to ride a bike, use a stove, or mow the lawn, they need us to help them get social media right, too. Let’s give them the tools and guidelines to help them be successful on social media, just as we would in any other area of their lives.

When you post to social media, it is just as if you have spoken directly to each of your followers. You can build quite a following on social media. Be cautious that what you say on social media is “heard” by each and every one of your followers. Only say the things you’d say to someone’s face. Before you post, imagine that you are making a speech and the audience is made up of the people who follow you. Only say what you’d say to them directly.

Remember who you are. As a child of Christ, remember His command, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” That means that you don’t make jokes or try to be funny at someone else’s expense. You don’t complain or criticize. And don’t forget that this verse addresses the things you say about yourselves as well. We are to speak (or write) things that build up other people. You have the power in your words to speak LIFE into people. Build them up with words that are encouraging, peace-making, inspiring, helpful, kind, gracious, healing, and accepting. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

The way you feel about yourself is magnified in what you post on social media. If you are self-confident and love others, it shows in the photos you post. If you are insecure and strive to get attention or impress other people, that shows as well. When you realize that you are God’s child, fully accepted and loved by Him, you will begin to love and accept yourself. You no longer feel the need to impress other people, because you aren’t striving for their acceptance anyway. That leads to loving and accepting other people as well. Your real life AND your social media posts become less judgmental and more kind, less about you and more about other people.

Respect people’s privacy. Social media is very, well… social. Whatever is said goes around the web very quickly. While you might be quick to share about your good grade, who asked you to the dance, or who you are dating, some people are more private about such things. It’s never a good idea to share someone else’s news on social media (or in person). It’s more prudent to let them share when and if they decide to. Extend this courtesy to your family as well. Never share publicly things that your siblings or parents don’t want broadcasted on social media, even if you think they won’t see it.

If you have even the slightest question about whether something is ok to post, ask before you post. Anything you post online goes around very quickly and it is permanent, even if you delete it. If there is any question whether a post could be hurtful, damaging, or misunderstood, ask your parents for advice before you post. Believe me, they WANT to see you being responsible with social media, and choosing your words carefully shows maturity. If you do make a mistake, be quick to take down the post and issue a short apology like “I took down my previous post because I realized it might be taken wrong. I’d never want to hurt anyone on social media, so I thought it was best to take it down.” We all make mistakes, but learning how to correct mistakes shows real maturity as well.

Teaching our children to serve others is one of our primary responsibilities as parents. God has given us the opportunity and the obligation to show our kids that serving other people is God’s way of living. Jesus modeled this type of servant behavior for us, and our children need to see us following Him in caring for the poor, the widow, the orphan, and evangelizing the lost. Serving together with our children teaches them empathy for others and gratitude for the blessings they’ve been given. Serving regularly with our children shows them that caring for others is our ongoing responsibility, not something to be done only on special occasions. The relationships we build while serving others provide us better opportunities for sharing the gospel. Here are a few ideas to get you started serving others with your family:

• Contact a local ministry and ask if they need help in their office.
• Help prepare food at a soup kitchen.
• Contact a local thrift store and ask to help sort donated items.
• Call a hospice center and ask if there are errands you can run for their patients.
• Do yard work for an elderly neighbor.
• Call someone who has recently had a baby and volunteer to take their other children to the park.
• Bake cookies and take them to the police or fire station.
• Collect toys for the cancer ward of your children’s hospital.
• Hold a crayon and coloring book drive for an under privileged daycare.
• Collect story books from your neighborhood and take them to a daycare that serves under privileged children.
• Go on a prayer walk around your neighborhood. Pray for each home and the families who live there.
• Go for a prayer walk through the halls of the hospital.
• Hold an art camp or dance camp for under privileged children for a week during the summer.
• Help out with VBS at a church that serves the poor.
• Tutor students at your community center.
• Pick up trash and/or do yard work at a church in a poor area.
• Bake cookies or bring snacks to a community center that provides after school care for low-income families.
• Go door-to-door in the neighborhood collecting canned goods for a church’s food ministry.
• Have a lemonade stand or car wash to raise money for a ministry that provides clean water for third world countries.
• Write thank you notes to veterans and deliver them to the VA hospital.
• Contact a low-income nursing home to arrange for a hymn sing-a-long or children’s choir performance.
• Visit a local shelter to pray with the staff.
• Knit stocking caps and/or blankets and deliver to a cancer clinic.
• Offer to babysit for an evening for a single mother.
• Attend a ballgame of children whose mom or dad is deployed with the military.
• Offer to drive carpool for a family who is going through a difficult season.
• Invite a new family in your church over for dinner.
• Write a note of encouragement to a missionary family from your church.
• Ask a ministry to give you a specific item you can provide for them. Hold a garage sale to raise the money to buy it.
• Befriend a widow and take your children to visit regularly.
• Clean out closets and donate gently used clothing, toys, games, and books to the social services department for foster kids to use.
• Provide respite care for foster parents.
• Hold a bake sale to raise money to provide school uniforms for a foster child.
• Cook and deliver a meal to a widower.
• Offer to take a single mom’s children for the afternoon. Take photos and have a few good ones printed. Surprise the mom with them.
• Mow the grass of a neighbor who is out of town.
• Go door-to-door inviting neighbors to your church’s Christmas program or summer picnic.
• Visit a low-income daycare to read to the children or do craft time.
• Attend the ballet recital, choir program, or art show of a child who needs a little extra attention.
• Hold a free car wash for all the neighbors on your street.
• Make goodie bags for the homeless. Fill a plastic zipper bag with a bottle of water, a pack of crackers, hand wipes, a travel size deodorant and shampoo, and a pair of socks. Keep them in your car and give to people collecting money at intersections.
• Collect old towels and money for pet food. Deliver to an animal shelter.
• Pick up trash and pull weeds at a local park or community center.
• Offer to run errands for an elderly neighbor or church friend. Make a grocery run, swing by the pharmacy, or give them a ride to church.
• When bad weather is coming, call an elderly neighbor or single mother to check on them. Offer to let them come to your home before the weather hits your area.
• Help a senior citizens with simple fix-it projects around the house like changing lightbulbs or cleaning gutters.
• Plant a vegetable garden. Take some of your produce to a local shelter or soup kitchen, or share with a struggling family.
• Make hand-made Valentine’s Day, MOther’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas (or any other holiday) cards and deliver them to an assisted living facility. Arrange to go during meal time so that you can visit with residents.
• Plan a fun “family night out” for single-parent families. Show a family friendly movie and serve popcorn.
• Hold a “dog wash” to raise money for a local animal shelter.

Don’t forget to stay in touch with the people you serve, as building relationships with them is what service is all about. As you build relationships, ask people how you can pray for them, and follow through by praying for their needs together with your children. Prayer and service are powerful ways we can reach our neighbors and our world for Jesus Christ.

I wrote this post on modesty last year, and it remains one of my most popular posts. I think the reason it resonates with so many of you is because you are raising daughters, and you want the same things for them that I do for my own girls. We want our daughters to know that their value comes from the fact that they are children of God and not from the approval they receive from others. If you are raising daughters or have already been there and done that, I’d love to hear your comments. What did you do right and what do you wish you’d done differently?